Interrogating the Internal Gender Oppression within the Dalit Culture: A Critical Study of Malika Amar Shaikh’s I Want to Destroy Myself

Abstract

Malika Amar Shaikh in her memoir I Want to Destroy Myself, translated from Marathi into English overtly criticizes the gendered discriminatory structure embedded in the apparently democratic and emancipatory Dalit ideology. It problematizes the Phule- Ambedkarite ideals of Dalit movement. Malika’s interrogation explores the double standard of the so-called crusader of freedom. She expresses her disillusionment in her relationship with her husband Namdeo Dhasal, one of the Dalit leaders and founder members of Dalit Panthers movement. The question of gender discrimination is overtly highlighted in her memoir. She refers to her personal life where the question of right and liberty of a Dalit woman poses a challenge to the Dalit patriarchal set up which compounds itself by internalizing the upper caste Brahmanical mores. She interrogates the authenticity of the male oriented Dalit struggle against caste discrimination as the Dalit revolutionaries are not free from gender discrimination. Dalit men fighting against one form of oppressive hierarchy constructs another form of internal oppressive structure. Malika’s reference to Namdeo as a “scripture-quoting Mahar” establishes her disapproval of her husband unconsciously imitating the oppressive hierarchical structure in justifying the gender discrimination. She criticizes the “foul language” and “ugly behaviour” of the ‘opportunist’ Namdeo. There’s a marked gap between propaganda and practice in Dalit culture and ideology. The loneliness and self-disgust that she felt destroyed her inner self. She has defined her real femininity as somewhere between aggressivity and sensitivity. She wishes to strike a blow to the “ugly face of patriarchal culture.” She has unburdened herself to express her loneliness. The interrogation of Dalit internal patriarchy by a Dalit woman adds a new dimension to the Dalit intersectional analysis aiming at the independence of Dalit women from the shackles of subjugation.